How To Get What You Want From Conversations By Being Assertive

How often have you found yourself in a conversation that wasn’t going the way you wanted it to? It can be frustrating when you’re trying to make a point or get something across, but the other person just doesn’t seem to be getting it. Or maybe you’re not even sure what you want from the conversation in the first place.

It can be difficult to get what you want from conversations when you’re not assertive. But there are some strategies that you can use to make sure that your requests are heard and respected.

Remain calm and focused

When communicating with other people, it is important to remain calm and focused in order to have a meaningful conversation. This is because when we are anxious or stressed, our brains go into “fight or flight” mode, which impairs our ability to think clearly and effectively.

In addition, when we become frustrated or emotional during a conversation, we are more likely to say things that we don’t really mean, or that make the other person angry.

When you’re talking with someone, try to focus on these three things:

  • Slow down your breathing and focus on taking deep breaths – This will help you relax and release any tension in your body that may be contributing to stress in your mind.
  • Have a clear idea of what you want to say before you start talking – This will help you stay on track and avoid getting side-tracked by your emotions.
  • Be aware of the other person’s body language and facial expressions – as this can give you clues as to how they are feeling about the conversation and whether you need to change your approach in any way.

This can consequently lead to stronger relationships, improved professional collaborations, and greater overall satisfaction in life. So next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to communicate with others, take a deep breath and remember these tips.

Personal development

If you find yourself struggling in reaching this goal of staying relaxed during conversations it may be a good idea to take a personal development course.

These courses can help you to develop better coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and anxiety. Additionally, by learning how to stay calm under pressure, you can become more effective at work and in other areas of your life.

There are many platforms available online where you can find courses on personal development, such as Coursera, Udemy or Class Central. These services provide a large range of high-quality courses that will help you become a better version of yourself.

Be direct, honest and respectful

Assertive communication is the capacity to communicate openly, honestly, and directly in expressing both positive and negative feelings or ideas.

It is a way of communication that allows individuals to maintain respect for themselves and others while still being able to express their thoughts and feelings honestly.

How To Get What You Want From Conversations By Being Assertive

Some people may think that being assertive means being aggressive or pushy, but this is not the case. Assertiveness is about communicating in a way that is respectful and clear, without resorting to insults or manipulation.

When you are assertive, you are able to stand up for yourself and your needs in a way that is calm and confident.

This doesn’t mean that you will always get what you want, but it does mean that you will be more likely to get what you want than if you’re not assertive.

Pay close attention to your body language.

When you communicate with someone, you’re not only talking but also conveying your mood through body language. The way you interpret other people’s body language and the physical signals that they send are important components of communication.

With this in mind pay close attention to the following aspects;

  • Eye contact – maintaining eye contact during conversation demonstrates confidence and shows that you are engaged in the discussion.
  • Open posture – facing the person you’re talking to with an open body position conveys respect and interest. Crossing your arms or legs sends a signal that you’re closed off and not interested in what the other person has to say.
  • Facial expressions – be aware of the facial expressions you are making throughout the conversation. If you are frowning, rolling your eyes, or other expressions that may indicate disapproval or disagreement, these signals will be picked up by the other person and can negatively impact the flow of communication.
  • Voice – be aware of your tone and volume as you speak. Try to avoid being too aggressive or timid in your speech, and make an effort to maintain a steady volume so that the other person can hear you clearly.

By focusing on these aspects of communication you will be able to effectively convey your ideas and feelings while also respecting the opinions of others.

Think about “I” statements

The “I” statement is a concept in psychology that focuses on the individual and their feelings and ideas.

A person using an “I” statement will state something like “I feel frustrated when you don’t listen to me.” rather then “You are frustrating me when you don’t listen”

This simple example demonstrates how the same sentence might be transformed from a judgmental statement to an “I” statement. Making conversation more open and less confrontational.

One important thing to remember when using this type of communication is that it needs to be genuine. Saying things like “I feel so stupid” just to make someone else feel bad will not help the situation and instead can lead to more conflict.

When used correctly, an “I” statement can help to de-escalate a situation and make it more likely for the other person to be open to hearing what you have to say.


Remember that when it comes to assertive conversation, the goal is always to maintain a positive relationship with the other person.

You don’t have to be aggressive in order to be assertive – in fact, behaving aggressively will only damage your relationships and achieve nothing.

You may need to practice these techniques a few times before they feel natural, but with a little effort and patience, you can learn to be assertive in any situation and improve your relationships in the process.

Francis Nwokike

Francis Nwokike is a Social Entrepreneur and an experienced Disaster Manager. I love discussing new business trends and marketing tips. I share ideas and tips that will help you grow your business.

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